I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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