Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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