3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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