Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
