Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
