he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
