Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
