need another drink. this is the easiest way
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
