Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
