after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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