i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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