If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
