She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
