quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
