dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
