I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
