Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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