He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
