If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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