Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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