So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and she was petting her beer can
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
