Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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