I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
