The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
