is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
