I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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