Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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