The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
