I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize