Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
