The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
