A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
