I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
