what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Houston, we have a blender
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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