Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
