i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
