So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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