I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize