yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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