I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
