we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
