he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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