I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize