I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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