Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
