Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
