im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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