Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
