dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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