kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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