Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
