I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
