so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize