So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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