My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
