Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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