You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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