You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The Olympian is in my bed
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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