it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
