Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
