dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
