Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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