she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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