I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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