Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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