pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
