Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
